On occasions like Christmas, it can be particularly difficult for parents who feel others may not relate to their own grieving the loss of a child
This year, Upwey local Rineke Leigh and Cockatoo local Jacinda Erich have teamed up to help bereaved parents remember and honour their child’s spirit by using an Oak Tree to hang Balls with the image of their child, or an important symbol related to their child, in time for Christmas.
Rineke’s son Chris passed away 18 months ago in a skateboarding incident, and each birthday or significant date since has marked the occasion.
“I thought ‘I’m just going to event my way through this right now,’” Rineke said.
After discussions with Jacinda, Rineke decided she would create the Tree of Souls in the yard of her Upwey home.
“I wanted other parents to have an opportunity to have something for their child, because I think as bereaved parents, we know that we will never forget our child, but it’s very hard to watch them fade away from the world so to speak,” Rineke said.
“Each year passes and people forget that we’ve had that loss in our life, and it’s about ways of keeping the memory alive and keeping them shining.”
Since posting the Tree of Souls initiative on Facebook, hundreds of people have followed the page, and the first print run after the launch in early November contained 35 images, with another 30 sent in a print run just days ago.
“There’s definitely such a huge need for it, because parents [say] thank you so much for giving me somewhere to acknowledge my child at Christmas,” Rineke said.
“It is something to keep you going and show them that they are still alive in our world even though they’re not physically here.
“They are very much alive for all of us parents that are walking this journey.”
A woman in California even reached out to Rineke sharing that she had inspired her to create a similar initiative overseas.
“It can be a bit overwhelming… you’re not alone on this journey, but it is a very lonely journey [and] It’s, it’s quite individual how people manage their grief,” Rineke said.
“I feel like all these children are now in my care… I make sure that I do the right thing by them.”
Jacinda lost her ten-year-old son Harper and his father Matt in 2019 in a tragic accident after a tree fell on their car while driving through the Dandenongs.
Jacinda said she shares Rineke’s sentiment that their kids still live on in spirit and they want to talk about them and say their names.
“This gives us the opportunity to say their names, but we extend that to other parents in the community by wanting to say ‘it’s okay to talk about your kids at Christmas, or anytime,” Jacinda said.
Jacinda is getting more comfortable being called ‘brave’ three and a half years after the accident, but that wasn’t always the case.
“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told a stranger that I’ve lost a child, and in the moment, I feel like I’m having to be the person holding the space because someone’s so uncomfortable with what I’m saying,” she said.
“I know that for some people, grief is a really private matter, and I completely understand that, but there are a whole raft of people who feel lost, that there’s nothing holding that space of ‘how do you remember a child?”
“There is a unity in bringing that voice… you’ll see just how much other parents are so grateful for what Rin and I are doing.”
Rineke will also be holding a vigil at her home in Upwey, where the tree is located, on Wednesday 21 December at 8pm, for people to come together in remembrance of their children and loved ones who have passed.
You can also send an image of your child who has passed, or a symbol relevant to you, to Rineke through the Tree of Souls Facebook page and messenger function.
The Tree of Souls will be alight for the 12 days of Christmas.
